Sunday Reading

New Delhi, 9 November 2009

Rising Divorce Cases

EROSION OF INDIAN FAMILY

By Dhurjati Mukherjee

It is a well-known fact that over the years the concept of the family has changed. Nowadays, the husband, wife and children constitute the family, which was not the case two decades back. Worse, even this family has become unsustainable and reports of marital discord have increased over the years. The underlying forces of change have been giving a new meaning to the causes of disharmony.

It is not that conflict, for example, due to incompatible personalities did not exist earlier. But the fact is that it has become more vibrant and open. Factors such as incompatibility of personalities have existed in the past but what is new is that the tolerance threshold has become fragile. Moreover, tension coupled with egos of individuals has accentuated the personality clash, sometimes resulting in serious discords. The clash of personalities has resulted in families breaking up and couples going in for divorce or mutual separation. 

The self dependence of women and their awareness about rights have given rise to a new situation. Those who are employed or are financially dependent find it difficult to tolerate the traditional dominance of the male member and are in a position to take care of themselves without having to fall back on their parents, as in the past.  All these factors have led to an increase in the divorce rate or separation primarily in the cities and urban centres.  

According to a study by a Mumbai-based legal activist, the family courts witnessed 2055 couples filing for divorce in 1995 in the city with the number going up to 3400 in 2004. Presently the number may be not less than 5000. Similarly, in the sight of the matrimonial district courts of Delhi, an average of 25 divorce petitions were filed every day in 2004. In Kolkata, the number has gone up from 1633 in 1966 to around 2400 in 2003 and may well be over 4000 presently. It would be pertinent here to mention that because of the increasing number of young couples resorting to divorce, six more family courts have come up in Delhi since the late 90s to deal with a whopping 9000 cases of matrimonial disputes.   

Analyzing the various causes of such disputes, it is generally believed that the three most important factors are: personality related behaviours/tendencies, including deficiencies – sexual or otherwise; unfulfilled material/monetary gains from, incompatibility, and lastly a superiority complex. Cases of separate living or divorce are more pronounced where the female member is assertive and employed.

There have been reports of the husband suspecting his wife for alleged close or even sexual relations with a colleague. While in some cases the allegations are true, there are many instances where the allegations are baseless. Similarly, a working wife would not tolerate her husband returning late at night and having any sort of intimacy with any of his colleague. The clash of personalities in such types of cases is very frequent and normally friends or relatives mediate to settle the problems, keeping in view the future of children that the couple may be having.

Husbands normally want to dominate their wives and would not tolerate their having intimacy with any male friend. While these problems are more pronounced in the metros and amongst the upper middle class or the upper echelons of society, the nature of the crisis differs among the lower middle class and the economically weaker sections, where alcoholism and gambling is a major factor.

In cases, the couple is issueless, the end result is divorce. A woman cannot be divorced because she is infertile, as per law, as there are alternative methods of procreation as well as adoption available to the couple. However, in Muslim Personal Law, a wife’s barrenness is a major ground for divorce if a husband wishes it to be so. Similarly, Islam also allows a woman to divorce her husband if male infertility can be proven.

Reports of female private tutors having sexual relations with the student’s father are well known. On the other hand, women or girls, who manage the family as both the husband and wife are employed, have been reported to have consensual sex with the male member. Many families do not like to keep young girls because the wife suspects the loose character of her husband.  

With modernization of society, it is quite apparent that tolerance and acceptability in the human individual would gradually decrease. Moreover, attraction towards worldly objects would create greater problems in man-woman relationship. With more and more women getting employed – whether in corporate houses or in the unorganized sector – they would tend to become more assertive in the family, more so if their income is on the same levels as that of her husband. This would create more tension and eventually lead to marital discord and may end up in divorce or separation.

One has to accept the fact that just because two individuals have married, their thinking, mindsets and behavioural patterns cannot be expected to be similar, more so if they are educated. It naturally takes time to know and understand each other. The understanding, which will eventually result in compatibility can develop only gradually and thus, both have to accommodate the viewpoint and thinking of the other partner till then.

The essence of marriage is the ‘understanding’ of each other’s compulsions, which if lacking between couples, could spell trouble in form of increase in family disputes and eventually lead to divorce. In the coming year, there is a growing fear that the institution of the marriage may, end up in ‘live-together’ relationships, where separation would become much easier and not entail any legal hiccups. There was a time when sex and procreation was the sole aim of marriage, but now this is possible even without formal tie-ups.     

Though counseling centres have mushroomed around cities in particular and psychologists have been making efforts to bring about rapprochement, the results are not very satisfactory. Arrogance and lack of understanding are obviously the prime reasons. However, women’s organizations say that more understanding has to be shown by the male member and his (as also his family’s) domination in all matters has to end as with changing times assertion of rights of the opposite sex is quite natural.             
Indeed, it is difficult to project the future existence of the nuclear family, but the sociological problems need to be thoroughly examined. If in a family, the tradition of love and affection yields to arrogance, suspicion and jealousy, it would have adverse affect in the child’s growth and thinking process. Worse, it would jeopardize social values and relationships.--INFA    

           (Copyright, India News and Feature Alliance)