Sunday Reading
New Delhi, 9 November 2009
Rising
Divorce Cases
EROSION
OF INDIAN FAMILY
By
Dhurjati Mukherjee
It is a well-known fact that over the years the
concept of the family has changed. Nowadays, the husband, wife and children
constitute the family, which was not the case two decades back. Worse, even
this family has become unsustainable and reports of marital discord have
increased over the years. The underlying forces of change have been giving a
new meaning to the causes of disharmony.
It is not that conflict, for example, due to
incompatible personalities did not exist earlier. But the fact is that it has
become more vibrant and open. Factors such as incompatibility of personalities
have existed in the past but what is new is that the tolerance threshold has
become fragile. Moreover, tension coupled with egos of individuals has
accentuated the personality clash, sometimes resulting in serious discords. The
clash of personalities has resulted in families breaking up and couples going
in for divorce or mutual separation.
The self dependence of women and their awareness
about rights have given rise to a new situation. Those who are employed or are
financially dependent find it difficult to tolerate the traditional dominance
of the male member and are in a position to take care of themselves without
having to fall back on their parents, as in the past. All these factors have led to an increase in the
divorce rate or separation primarily in the cities and urban centres.
According to a study by a Mumbai-based legal
activist, the family courts witnessed 2055 couples filing for divorce in 1995
in the city with the number going up to 3400 in 2004. Presently the number may
be not less than 5000. Similarly, in the sight of the matrimonial district
courts of Delhi,
an average of 25 divorce petitions were filed every day in 2004. In Kolkata,
the number has gone up from 1633 in 1966 to around 2400 in 2003 and may well be
over 4000 presently. It would be pertinent here to mention that because of the increasing
number of young couples resorting to divorce, six more family courts have come
up in Delhi since the late 90s to deal with a whopping 9000 cases of
matrimonial disputes.
Analyzing the various causes of such disputes,
it is generally believed that the three most important factors are: personality
related behaviours/tendencies, including deficiencies – sexual or otherwise; unfulfilled
material/monetary gains from, incompatibility, and lastly a superiority
complex. Cases of separate living or divorce are more pronounced where the
female member is assertive and employed.
There have been reports of the husband
suspecting his wife for alleged close or even sexual relations with a
colleague. While in some cases the allegations are true, there are many
instances where the allegations are baseless. Similarly, a working wife would
not tolerate her husband returning late at night and having any sort of
intimacy with any of his colleague. The clash of personalities in such types of
cases is very frequent and normally friends or relatives mediate to settle the
problems, keeping in view the future of children that the couple may be having.
Husbands normally want to dominate their wives
and would not tolerate their having intimacy with any male friend. While these
problems are more pronounced in the metros and amongst the upper middle class
or the upper echelons of society, the nature of the crisis differs among the
lower middle class and the economically weaker sections, where alcoholism and
gambling is a major factor.
In cases, the couple is issueless, the end
result is divorce. A woman cannot be divorced because she is infertile, as per
law, as there are alternative methods of procreation as well as adoption
available to the couple. However, in Muslim Personal Law, a wife’s barrenness
is a major ground for divorce if a husband wishes it to be so. Similarly, Islam
also allows a woman to divorce her husband if male infertility can be proven.
Reports of female private tutors having sexual
relations with the student’s father are well known. On the other hand, women or
girls, who manage the family as both the husband and wife are employed, have
been reported to have consensual sex with the male member. Many families do not
like to keep young girls because the wife suspects the loose character of her
husband.
With modernization of society, it is quite
apparent that tolerance and acceptability in the human individual would
gradually decrease. Moreover, attraction towards worldly objects would create
greater problems in man-woman relationship. With more and more women getting
employed – whether in corporate houses or in the unorganized sector – they
would tend to become more assertive in the family, more so if their income is
on the same levels as that of her husband. This would create more tension and
eventually lead to marital discord and may end up in divorce or separation.
One has to accept the fact that just because two
individuals have married, their thinking, mindsets and behavioural patterns cannot
be expected to be similar, more so if they are educated. It naturally takes
time to know and understand each other. The understanding, which will
eventually result in compatibility can develop only gradually and thus, both
have to accommodate the viewpoint and thinking of the other partner till then.
The essence of marriage is the ‘understanding’
of each other’s compulsions, which if lacking between couples, could spell
trouble in form of increase in family disputes and eventually lead to divorce.
In the coming year, there is a growing fear that the institution of the marriage
may, end up in ‘live-together’ relationships, where separation would become
much easier and not entail any legal hiccups. There was a time when sex and
procreation was the sole aim of marriage, but now this is possible even without
formal tie-ups.
Though counseling centres have mushroomed around
cities in particular and psychologists have been making efforts to bring about
rapprochement, the results are not very satisfactory. Arrogance and lack of
understanding are obviously the prime reasons. However, women’s organizations
say that more understanding has to be shown by the male member and his (as also
his family’s) domination in all matters has to end as with changing times
assertion of rights of the opposite sex is quite natural.
Indeed, it is difficult to project the future
existence of the nuclear family, but the sociological problems need to be thoroughly
examined. If in a family, the tradition of love and affection yields to
arrogance, suspicion and jealousy, it would have adverse affect in the child’s
growth and thinking process. Worse, it would jeopardize social values and
relationships.--INFA
(Copyright,
India News and Feature Alliance)
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